We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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