Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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