where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize