she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
