he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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