You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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