You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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