Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
