Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
