things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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