Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
