so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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