so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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