I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.