apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.