The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?