So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
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A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.