batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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