do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've blown a few things in my day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
