I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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