I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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