i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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