Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
