He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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