i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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