He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need water and some morals
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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