You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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