i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
