I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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