you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
