idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
