Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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