dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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