the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sober January is a disaster.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
