My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i already hear my dad disowning me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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