No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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