sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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