Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
