her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
