Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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