Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
