I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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