margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
