You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
