I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
