So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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