You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
