I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
