I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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