I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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