I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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