if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had to cum in my sink.
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