and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
