I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
