I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
