that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
