she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
