we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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