Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
