It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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