Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
