why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
