Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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