You're so nebulous sometimes
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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