you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
