My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
