I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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